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Overwrought and Undercompensated
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Always tense
After some discussion on an excerpt of what I've been working on over at WriteandGripe, I made some changes that didn't fit in a comment, so I'll just post it here. This is the rewrite of my first post section there.


Every time. Every single time he looked at her like that, panic fluttered in her chest and she said something completely ridiculous.

“I’m so glad we’re keeping things casual. Uncomplicated. Everything’s perfect just the way it is.”

Only, it wasn’t. She didn’t believe one word that poured out of her own damn mouth when she got like this. She didn’t want uncomplicated. She didn’t want casual. What she wanted wasn’t even that far from what they already had, if she’d just stop deflecting him every time he looked like he wanted to talk about THEM.

They’d been having a great night of nothing special, snuggled up on her couch watching whatever they could find on television, talking about everything and nothing, laughing.

“I cannot believe you’d side with HER,” she exclaimed, gesturing toward the television as the show abruptly cut to the credits.

“What?” Tucker replied, his brow furrowing as he pulled a leg up on the couch, turning so his back was against the arm to face her beside him. “All I said was that I can understand why she’d be upset about what he did.”

Natalie twisted at the waist, leaning her shoulder into the back of the couch, and studied him a moment. “You’re serious.” It wasn’t a question.

A confused grimace flashed across his face before he nodded slowly, a smirk just beginning to pull at the corner of his mouth. “You really don’t like her, do you?

“Ugh,” she huffed. “It’s that actress. I can’t feel sympathy toward a single character she plays. Can’t explain it.”

He smiled then, a bright thing that caught her off guard, made her heart beat a little too hard in her chest. She turned, busying herself with deleting the episode off the DVR, wishing for the moment to pass quickly before she said something stupid again.

“Now that you mention it, you do react negatively every time she turns up in something. What did she do to earn such a visceral reaction, I wonder?”

She could feel his eyes on her, could see his inquisitive grin in her peripheral vision, knew she’d run out of busy work. Leaning forward, she dropped the remote on the coffee table and took her time settling back against the couch as she spoke. “Honestly, my first memory of seeing her act in something is just this visceral hatred from the moment she was on screen.”

He hummed, an unformed question intended to keep her talking, and she lifted her eyes back to his.

“I know it’s weird. I just can’t with her. She. Ugh. Seriously, I just see her face and I want to punch it and she’s probably a very nice person, but.” Natalie shrugged.

Tucker nodded, an eyebrow raised, his gaze intent as he waited for her story to continue.

God, what did he expect her to say? It really was that simple. She didn’t like the actress. But here he was, looking for all the world like he thought he’d get some get confession out of her, some deep-seated something, when really, she just couldn’t stand her. End of story.

“Well,” she said, gesturing toward the clock on the cable box. “It’s too late for a movie and the DVR is empty. Want to find something short on demand?”

The silence dragged out several breaths and she tensed, flexing her fingers in her lap with the effort to stay put.

He blinked as if he’d lost the conversation for a moment. “Uh, nah. Don’t feel like watching anything.”

“So,” she started, her voice rising at the end like a question. “Is there something else you’d like to do?”

His eyes raked over her and she was suddenly too warm in her sweatshirt. As she unzipped it and pulled it roughly down her arms, she purred, “Oh, I see. I should have asked if there was some ONE you wanted to do.”

Tucker’s eyes settled on hers once again, this time boring through her with so many emotions swirling in them that she had to close her eyes to the onslaught. Her heart was suddenly hammering in her chest, her fight or flight response screaming “RUN!”, a reaction she could no more explain than her hatred of a particular actress. This was Tucker. He wasn’t going to hurt her. Why on Earth was her instinct to run when he looked at her like this?

He took a deep breath and she could see he was about to say something BIG. Something IMPORTANT. Something about them and this fragile thing between them that was everything she needed, and suddenly she couldn’t breathe. She gasped and shot to her feet, pacing across the room before he could capture her hand.

“Oh, wait. I just remembered. I need to get up earlier than usual tomorrow, so we should really get to bed at a decent hour, you know?” She turned to face him, holding her breath and braced for a fight.

He rose, eyes still drilling into her with so much intensity. “Nat.”

She stepped into him quickly, cutting him off with a finger on his lips. “You know what’s great? If we were dating, this would be awkward. Me pressing for sleep on what would be a date night. This just might be the perfect arrangement.”

He attempted to hide the wince, the physical recoil from her too-loud declarations of contentment with the current arrangement, but she saw the way his eyes lost their light as he pulled back into himself and shoved whatever it was he wanted to say back down where it came from.

She kissed him quickly and moved toward the stairs, already mentally kicking herself for once again deflecting him. And yet, her heart rate was already coming back down toward a brisk walk, her breaths coming with less effort. Crisis averted after all.

Nothing about this was the least bit fair to him. So far, in the three months they’d been together, she’d managed to cut him off and shut him down every time it seemed he was about to bring up their... Relationship? Could it be called that if she never let him talk about them and consistently bent the truth about her own feelings on the matter? If only she knew for sure which side he came down on- for or against them taking things past this crazy limbo they hovered in. Until she did, she would deflect and make him make a stand if ending it was what he wanted.
28th-May-2013 01:18 pm - Signal boost- Help needed
Always tense
It's funny how the internet is both super big and super small... This link popped up on my flist via coffeesuperhero (via [personal profile] mammothluv), but it's a name a recognize from the Castle fandom. If you can't help her out, at least please consider boosting her call for help.  Thanks!

7th-Dec-2012 12:18 pm - Next Big Thing Meme
KP Fierce
1. What is the working title of your next book?
All the Things Left Unsaid

2. Where did the idea come from for the book?
A combination of personal experience and my overactive imagination (division of subject matter withheld ;) ).

3. What genre does your book fall under?
See, that's a toughie. It's either general fiction or a non-tech sci-fi novel.

4. What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?
All the actors I'm thinking of are technically older than my characters, not that Hollywood cares about such things. Ryan Gosling and Natalie Portman? Ugh. I don't want to do the casting... :)

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
When Natalie Reed wakes up in the hospital after having a seizure and discovers she can hear what people are thinking, she quickly learns the only person she can trust is her best friend, Tucker Campbell, but even he has secrets left unsaid. (Look at me, writing copy!)

6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
That all depends on if anyone will pick it up. I intend to try to get it represented first.

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?
I don't have a completed draft, but the plan is to have it done no later than 8/15/2013 (my 40th birthday).

8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
I haven't read anything like it that I can recall, but lately I read more nonfiction than fiction.

9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?
Since some point in elementary school I have thought I had at least one book in me. I have a good number of people encouraging me to finish, but not a single who.

10. What else about the book might pique the reader’s interest?
The telepathy is proximity-based, only able to be "heard" in about a 10 or 12 foot radius. The thoughts are "louder" the closer a person is, and physical contact makes it nearly impossible for her to focus on anything but what the other person is thinking before she learns to compensate. In my head, it's more a study in human nature and how we present ourselves, both in general and in relationships more specifically. Even if you could control it, would you to know what everyone was thinking?
5th-Nov-2012 06:18 pm - Prairie dogging & a meme!
Always tense
Just popping up to stick my head above water for a sec. Life's been wonderfully busy but I miss being able to surf and chat, and I do have some time off tomorrow, soooo...

I filched a meme from the f-list:

So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious but you have no idea about, or something obscure you just have to know. Ask away. All topics, within reason, are open for discussion.
30th-Jul-2012 08:12 pm - In which our heroine WRITES!
Sunny chance of asskicking
I'm having a moment where I know I should just keep writing while it's working, but I also want to mark the occasion here at my journal. I started a new original writing project (largely pushed into action by some discussion about original writing over at writeandgripe) and I honestly don't remember the last time I was this excited about something I was working on.

Here, I gush a little bitCollapse )

Here's what I started out with on the really rough first draft:

And this is my first draftCollapse )

And THIS is the new, improved version:

Then I took some feedbackCollapse )

So, yeah. I think the characters come through a bit better and I've managed to reveal a little more about them without feeling like I dropped a sack of uncooked exposition on the reader.

I'm not fishing for feedback (just yet), but feel free to leave it if you like. I really just wanted to light a fire under my ass by getting it out there that I'm writing and it's working and I'm excited about it and and and... :)
26th-Jun-2012 01:35 pm - Beckett/Castle Kink Meme
Castle Beckett
(Just boosting the signal.  Comments turned off here so you'll go take part at the real entry.  :)  )

Originally posted by airbefore at Beckett/Castle Kink Meme
Okay, let's give this a whirl. Hopefully it goes well and we all gets lots of fun fun fun porn out of it. 
Comments should be formatted as follows: 
  • All requests must include either Beckett or Castle or the actors portraying them (Solo, threesomes (or more) are welcome)
  • One prompt per post
  • Prompts can be a single word or a detailed scenario (list of kinks can be found here)
  • RPF is allowed
  • Be respectful and courteous. No bashing or flaming will be allowed.
  • No trolling or spamming 
  • Please try to fill at least one request for every prompt you leave
  • More than one response to a prompt? AWESOME.
  • Anon is on and IP logging is off 
If your fill exceeds LJ comment character limits, feel free to post elsewhere and link. 
25th-Nov-2011 03:49 pm - I am Pony, hear me roar
KP Fierce
And, yes, if everyone jumped off of a cliff, I'd probably do THAT, too!

(Pony Generator: http://generalzoi.deviantart.com/art/Pony-Creator-Full-Version-254295904)
18th-Oct-2011 02:41 pm - Time Machine!
I pulled out all the old notebooks, flist! All of them! I wanted to reflect fondly on how far my writing has come since I started that first novel (*cough* soap opera *cough*) in 9th grade. Presented for your perusal, with supporting images (the images are actually huge and can be clicked for easier reading), I give you my oeuvre!

What follows isn't good, but it might be funny...Collapse )
10th-Oct-2011 03:05 pm - Wrong
KP Fierce
Wow, I haven't posted in forever! I wanted to sit down and write today, but what I intended to write didn't happen. What follows is not fanfic. To be honest, it's not technically fiction at all. I was fiddling around with POV and doing the old "when all else fails, write what you know" and this is what happened. I started it in August, but it really demanded that I finish it today, so I did. It's unbeta'd and only 500 words.


A part of you always knew he was Mr. Wrong...Collapse )
Always tense
Got more questions from nazkey . Here are more answers.  :)

Here goes: Comment with "Come at me, bro!"
• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better.
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.

More facts!Collapse )
9th-Jun-2011 06:42 am - Meme Thursday
Always tense
I know I don't really have time for these ongoing meme-thingies, but kag523  is very persuasive in her enthusiasm. And she asked me some really hard questions, yo.

Here goes: Comment with "Come at me, bro!"
• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better.
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.

Here comes the crazy...Collapse )
1st-Jun-2011 03:11 pm - Lee Adama Daily Ficathon is ON!
Always tense
Hey, f-list!

I have a new story up today at leeadama_daily ! I won't cross-post it here, but will instead link over to it there, so all the comments stay together.

Warnings include near-suicide, near-death, and a darkly depressing tone that sums up Lee Adama for me during the Pegasus arc.

Seeping Blackness
23rd-May-2011 08:24 am - Fic: All She Remembers
Castle Beckett
Title: All She Remembers
Author: ninjamonkey73
Word Count: 100
Prompt: amnesia
Spoilers: 3X24- Knockout
Rating: G
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kate/Rick, oblique ref to Josh
Summary: Some things you can't forget.
Author's Note: For castle100

The first time she wakes, everything’s hazy. She’s not sure how she ended up here, can’t remember anything from before. A doctor hovers near her bed, clearly more than her attending, but he isn’t who she’s looking for, who she needs.

“Where is he?” she rasps.

The doctor blinks, deflates. “I’ll go get him.”

She dozes, wakes again. He’s there, holding her hand. She can’t remember his name, but that really doesn’t matter. She knows him, knows she loves him, remembers him saying the words. It’s all she can remember.

“I love… you, too,” she breathes, relief flooding through her.
3rd-May-2011 04:13 pm - Castle made me ragey last night
Always tense
I know I read too many spoilers and watch too many preview videos and check out too many promo photos. I know this. My problem with last night isn't even the obvious bait and switch.

Episode and vague internet spoilers!Collapse )

27th-Apr-2011 01:53 pm - Meme: Shuffle 20
Always tense
Hey there, f-list! I've been listening to my music on shuffle a lot this month, which made me want to meme it up with 20 off the top this morning. Here's what I did: I turned on the mp3 player, set it to shuffle, and wrote down the first 20 that came up. I've included them in a little grooveshark widget. I was gonna' write why each was on the player to begin with, but to be honest, I have no good excuses for most of these.  :)

MUSIC!Collapse )
19th-Apr-2011 11:43 am - DPP comment that cannot be contained!
Always tense
I stuck with the original meme questions for the post today. And it was going to be like 6 comments to post over there at no_takebacks  so, here it is:

About You
1. Your name: Amy
2. Your birth month: August
So many words about pilots!Collapse )
16th-Apr-2011 10:58 am - Two Castle Drabbles
Always tense
Title: You Can't Unkiss Him
Fandom: Castle
Characters: Castle/Beckett
Spoilers: Occurs at some point post Knockdown (3X13)
Rating: PG 

Your mind’s wandering againCollapse )

Title: Always
Fandom: Castle
Characters: Castle/Beckett
Spoilers: Occurs at the end of The Dead Pool (3X21)
Rating: PG 

Always. Without exception.Collapse )
28th-Mar-2011 01:54 pm - Long time no meme...
I was bored at work with not enough time to start a new project, so I totally stole this from nazkey :


Name: Amy
Birth place: Providence, RI
Current Location: Work
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Reddish-Brown
Righty or Lefty: Righty

Here be meme...Collapse )
1st-Mar-2011 05:36 pm - Fic: Castle- Countdown Coda
Always tense
Title: Countdown: Coda
Fandom: Castle
Characters: Castle/Beckett, tiny amount of Josh
Spoilers: Immediately follows Countdown (3X17)
Rating: PG 
Summary: Kate has a change of heart after Rick walks away
Credits: Unbeta-ed
Author's Note: What can I say? It needed to be written.

Kate looked back at the elevator, twisting slightly in Josh’s arms before pulling away completely.

More...Collapse )
10th-Feb-2011 08:07 pm - Like a late groundhog, she appears
Always tense
Just poking my head out of my hole to say hi. Work continues to be stressful and mentally draining. When I get 5 minutes, I try to stay caught up on my f-list, even if I don't comment nearly ever lately.

I'm a shipper, You're a shipperCollapse )
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