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Overwrought and Undercompensated
10th-Oct-2011 03:05 pm
KP Fierce
Wow, I haven't posted in forever! I wanted to sit down and write today, but what I intended to write didn't happen. What follows is not fanfic. To be honest, it's not technically fiction at all. I was fiddling around with POV and doing the old "when all else fails, write what you know" and this is what happened. I started it in August, but it really demanded that I finish it today, so I did. It's unbeta'd and only 500 words.


A part of you always knew he was Mr. Wrong, but that part of your brain always seemed to short out when he touched you. And no matter how you tried to set that boundary, his hands seemed to find their way onto you. Sometimes, it was a shoulder rub after a hard day’s work, others, an arm thrown casually around you. There were nights watching movies, sitting too close together. But the worst? The very worst were the nights you slept in his bed.

He always had a girlfriend, and only briefly was it actually you. You’d tell yourself that sharing his bed wasn’t wrong if nothing happened, but the morning after always left you feeling like the other woman, even when he didn’t lay a hand on you all night. If you were his girlfriend, you wouldn’t be okay with him sharing his bed with another woman. You knew this as solid fact in the harsh light of morning. And yet.

Eventually, you couldn’t take the mixed signals- his hands in your hair, running along the shell of your ear, would throw you off balance, ruin your decision making skills. You used your words, told him what he was doing to you.

“You can’t touch me like this and have a girlfriend. You know what this does to me. I don’t know what to think. Friends don’t do this.”

He was willing to cross whatever lines you’d allow behind each other woman’s back. He didn’t respect the relationships he chose over you. You found ways to rationalize it away. You were best friends. What did they have in common? He was using them to hide from a serious relationship with you. This thought alone should have been the red flag that sent you running, and yet you stayed, hoped he’d grow up just that little bit more, and left yourself in situations you’d lecture your friends about getting themselves into.

Your friends fell into two distinct categories- those who loved him and pushed you back to him each time you worked up the courage to break off your friendship, and those who saw through the hollow charm and hated him. Hated him for what he did to you, stringing you along like a puppy on a leash, dropping just enough crumbs for you to follow along on the edge of sated. Of course you defended him, even more staunchly in the end, because admitting he was Mr. Wrong meant admitting you’d been taken for upwards of 7 years. Taken in by the charm, taken over by the implied promises of someday, and taken down by the realization you weren’t as smart as you thought you were, couldn’t actually protect your own heart, thumping loudly on your sleeve for all to see.

He was the lesson you didn’t know you needed to learn, and truthfully, if you ever saw him again, you would thank him for it. After all, he sent you straight into the arms of Mr. Right.
10th-Oct-2011 07:23 pm (UTC)
*shaky sigh*

I love and hate this. Painfully honest writing, which takes me places I don't want to go. A part of me wishes I hadn't read your explanation of when all else fails, write what you know... That's not to suggest I don't enjoy it - I DO! - it's more a sign of how much I want to set this aside as "imaginary" rather than having to deal with it as it is. Awful truth.

Thank you for this! Lovely writing. *hugs* K :D
10th-Oct-2011 07:29 pm (UTC)
Yeeeah... I almost just passed it off as fiction, but it is what it is. Even 15 years later, I find myself writing about it when everything else escapes me. And this is the ABRIDGED version. Ugh.

Thanks for reading and commenting!
10th-Oct-2011 07:33 pm (UTC)
Thanks for reading and commenting!

Of course, bb! I love your writing, and if I read, I comment. Looking forward to more from you! *hugs* K :D
10th-Oct-2011 07:53 pm (UTC)
I think we have all been there....

I look at all those experiences as a necessary stepping stone.

Loved it
10th-Oct-2011 08:32 pm (UTC)
**seconds this comment**
10th-Oct-2011 08:36 pm (UTC)
My revenge is being fabulous! Thanks!
10th-Oct-2011 08:36 pm (UTC)
Certainly necessary. I always have a worse example when my husband drives me crazy! Thanks!
10th-Oct-2011 07:53 pm (UTC)
Painfully true and utterly heartfelt. The struggle feels real and powerful and sometimes it just takes forever to be able to finally walk away. I'm glad the courage to walk away happened and to the best possible end. Mr. Right.

I loved the aching tone and the writing was lovely.
10th-Oct-2011 08:38 pm (UTC)
Sometimes it drives me nuts when I get stuck in these loops, but the writing helps, and even though it's a bit of a downer, I did come out OK on the other side. ;) Thanks!
10th-Oct-2011 08:33 pm (UTC)
Hard-earned and well done.

And major kudos for sharing this. I'm glad you did. : )
10th-Oct-2011 08:42 pm (UTC)
Thanks! My new philosophy is if it's worth writing/finishing, it's worth posting. This one felt a little awkward to post, but I went for it. :)
10th-Oct-2011 08:35 pm (UTC)
Lovely use of second person, which can be at best tricky. Beings a sense of immediacy and connection to an already achy piece. Well done. :)
10th-Oct-2011 08:43 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I've been on this obsessive kick with trying to tell things in 2nd person. Very few premises work, but this one needed the immediacy.
10th-Oct-2011 11:27 pm (UTC)
Second person is tricky because usually it's the only thing I notice about something written from that POV so glaring and awkward. But this I actually didn't really the second person-ness until I was reading through a second time. Total success if you ask me!
11th-Oct-2011 12:52 am (UTC)
As other commenters have noted, though second person is a risky choice, it's exactly the right one here. Very effective.
11th-Oct-2011 01:21 am (UTC)
Thanks! It felt right. :)
11th-Oct-2011 03:47 pm (UTC) - on a lighter note
I now have Chicago's "If she would've been faithful" in my head.

In a weird coincidence, a friend just posted something about narrow "friends" who only seem to be able to feel better about themselves by harshing any upbeat thing he posts about. I responded in part that those people can serve a purpose in reminding you that you chose the right path by not becoming like them. And if you get to feel a sense of superiority, well, I think you deserve it.
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